


I Hate You, I Love You

by Dreamsinlilac



Category: The Worst Witch (TV 1998)
Genre: F/F, Family, Teenage Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 18:27:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13370574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreamsinlilac/pseuds/Dreamsinlilac
Summary: Life may be good in the Drill household, but that doesn't mean things are always perfect.  Like all families they have their issues and sometimes those issues result in terrible words being said and hearts being broken.





	I Hate You, I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> Based on an idea from TypicalRAinbow. Thanks mate. 
> 
> This story jumps around a little in time so for reference Abby is aged 6, 16 and 17ish across this story. And of course, it goes without saying, she's a good kid really.

“I hate you.”

On hearing those three words, Imogen could no longer hold back her tears. “Honey, please.”

“I hate you.”, Abby repeated through pursed lips. Her face was red with tears, arms folded tightly around her waist, her eyes focused on the wall as she refused to meet her godmother’s gaze. “You didn’t want me to live with you anymore so you could move away.”

“No, no.” Imogen pleaded, the words she wanted to say sticking in her throat. How could she tell a six-year-old that nothing could be further from the truth? That she had never wanted her to go back to her father, that she wanted Abby to stay with her and Jamie forever. That ever since David had taken his daughter back, her own life had imploded. She had no job, no steady income and could no longer stay in her own house because the loneliness was suffocating her.

“Abs, you know that’s not true.” Jamie, seeing how much everyone was struggling tried his best to help. He crouched down and pulled the sobbing child into his arms. “And you know we don’t hate people.”

“I do.” Abby turned slightly so she could rest her head on his shoulder, her small body visibly shuddering with sobs. “I do hate Imogen because she doesn’t love me anymore.” 

Imogen. That one word was the final dagger. For years Imogen had encouraged Abby to use her first name, an endeavour that was unsuccessful 99% of the time as to Abby, she was always Mummy. And if Imogen was being completely honest with herself, that’s exactly what she wanted to be, what she had been for the majority of Abby’s life. Her mother.

“I think we should go.” David, who had been watching from the corner finally spoke. “Come on Abby.”

“I’ll take her out to the car.” Jamie stood, still keeping a tight hold on a bawling Abby. “Shhh, I have you squirt.”

“Honey.” Imogen reached out her hand, pulling back as she saw Abby visibly flinch at the gesture. “Abby, please just…..”

Suddenly David was blocking her way. “Leave it.”

“But.” Imogen tried to push past him but he was too strong. “I need to explain. I need to tell her how I’ll still be in her life, how I’ll always be her Mummy.”

“Except you’re not.”, David barked. “Especially not now. She’s right, you are leaving her. What did you think would happen?”

“What did I think would happen? I didn’t cause this, you took her back. You have no idea what that did to me.I….” Imogen didn’t get the chance to finish her sentence, David was gone, leaving her all alone and feeling like she was living in a nightmare, one where everything had been ripped away from her, leaving her to start all over again. 

“Your turn.”, Jamie whispered as he sank down next to her on the floor, drawing her into his arms where she too shuddered with sobs. “She’ll come around.”

“Will she?”, Imogen mumbled into his shoulder. 

“Promise.”

He knew his goddaughter well, Abby did come around. It was only later that Imogen found out how much some words from Jamie and a visit from Grandad Tom had helped, but on the morning she was leaving for Cackle’s, Abby arrived at her bedroom door with a card, a handpicked bunch of flowers and an apology. 

“You don’t have to be sorry honey.”, Imogen murmured into Abby’s springy curls as they cuddled. “I understand it was a shock.” 

“It was.”, Abby agreed. “I was just afraid I wouldn’t see you again.” 

“That’s never going to happen. Ever. Even though I won’t be living here all the time, I’ll still come home any weekend I can.”

“And my Dad said I can phone you.”

Imogen decided not to focus too much on David or whatever had apparently caused his change of attitude. Instead, she focused on giving Abby as many kisses as she possibly could. “You can, and I’ll phone you.”

“And I’ll write you letters.”

“I’d love that, maybe you can even send me some drawings?”

Abby’s face lit up. “I will, I promise.”

There were more tears as they said goodbye, though these were different. There was sadness but the anger and fear were gone. 

“I love you, honey.” 

“I love you too. And tell those girls and the other teachers they’d better be nice to you, or I’ll come and kick them in the shins.”

“Abby….” Imogen couldn’t help smiling at the familiar threat. 

“What? You’re my Mummy and everyone has to be nice to you.”

Imogen may have been crying again as she pulled away, but there was something else as well. A sense of hope. Hope that she had made the right decision, that something good would come from the darkness and upheaval they had gone through.

“Maybe I can even ask Miss Cackle if she can come and stay one weekend?” 

She kept a thought with her as she drove through the countryside. No matter what, the words Abby had written in her card were true, the love they had really was forever and ever. 

* * *

“ _What_ did you just say?”

“ _I said._ ”, Abby repeated through gritted teeth. “I hate you. Do you know how embarrassing that was? You’ve ruined my life.”

Constance, drawing from past experience, allowed the words to bounce off her. At least that’s what it looked like from the outside. On the inside it was a different story, the words and the venomous tone with which they were said made her feel physically sick. “We’ll talk about this when we get home, there’s a bowl there in case you get sick.” 

“It was one beer.”, Abby hissed. “I’m not drunk.”

“You are also not eighteen.” Constance reminded her as she drove off. “And that was most certainly not the cinema.”

“I can’t believe you rang them.” Abby turned her focus to Lily, who in her mind was another life-ruiner. “Some friend you are.” 

“I had to Abs.”, Lily whispered. 

“Yeah, whatever.”

The rest of the ten-minute journey home passed in silence. For Constance, it was necessary to stop her anger at her daughter’s stupidity from overflowing. For Lily, it was to stop herself from bursting into tears. And for Abby, she needed to keep her mouth shut in order to stop herself from vomiting. It may have only been one beer but a combination of the strength and the speed in which she had downed it in order to avoid the taste was having an impact. 

She lasted until they pulled up to their house. 

“Are you finished?”, Constance asked after Abby had thrown up on the gravel driveway. 

Rather than answer, Abby let out a slight groan before stumbling towards the front door. 

“Are you alright?” Imogen, who was standing in the doorway quickly caught her daughter before she tripped. “Is she drunk?”

“Not drunk.”, Abby slurred. “Have a bug.”

“Oh really? Then maybe you should go to bed.”

“I think…” Constance started to speak.

Imogen gave her broken looking wife a sympathetic look before turning her attention back to Abby. “Go to bed, get some sleep and we’ll talk about this in the morning. Do you want me to take you up?”

“No.” Abby trudged upstairs without a backwards glance to her parents or her best friend. It was only the banging of her bedroom door that indicated she had gotten to her room safely. 

“Great.”, Imogen sighed. “Why not wake the whole house up?”

“I’m sorry.”, Lily whispered. “We shouldn’t have gone.” 

“No.”, Imogen agreed. “You shouldn’t have but at least you rang us when you felt things were getting out of hand and we do appreciate that. Anyway, there’s not much more we can do tonight, you head up to bed and we can all talk tomorrow.”

Lily bit her lip nervously. “I don’t think Abby is too happy with me.”

“Perhaps not, so probably best to give her a wide berth.” Constance gave a strained smile before casting a quick spell. “There, what you’ll need for the night is in the attic bedroom. Try and get some rest and don’t worry about Abby, she’ll be fine.”

“Thank you.” Lily hugged the two adults before turning in for the night. 

“Come on you, bed.” Imogen led Constance upstairs where she watched as her wife sank heavily on the bed. “Talk to me.”

It took a moment but eventually, Constance spoke. “I just can’t believe she did something so stupid. After everything we’ve talked to her about over the years, she went off to a party with strangers. Not alone that, she was drinking, she’s still only sixteen for goodness sake.”

“I know.” Imogen lowered herself onto the bed and took Constance’s pale hand in hers. “I know in her mind he wasn’t a stranger but she doesn’t know him that well.”

“Not at all.” Constance had been wary when Abby had asked to the cinema with a boy she had apparently met through a school friend. However, the fact that it appeared to be a group event with several others, including Lily, had given her some reassurance. As had the fact that Imogen had dropped both girls right outside the cinema entrance. Now, if she could turn the clock back six hours there was no way she would have left either girl past the front door. 

“What if he…?” Constance left the thought unspoken. 

“Shhh.”, Imogen whispered. “She went to a party and got drunk. Luckily she has a good friend who recognised they were in over their heads and did the sensible thing in calling us. And she also has a Mama that if I’m right, tore strips off a few of her fellow partygoers.”

“Oh, I did.” Constance could barely remember what she had said, what was most prominent in her memory was how Abby’s so-called date had paled under her most ‘HB’ like glare. “I got the two of them out of there as quickly as possible. And then…..” her voice broke.

“Sweetheart?”

“And then, she told me she hated me.” 

“Oh.” Imogen pulled Constance into her arms and rocked her for several minutes as she cried. “I know she didn’t mean it but I also know how much those words hurt.”

“Our daughter hates me. She….” 

“Mama, Mummy.” Ava opened the bedroom door a crack before slowly sticking her head in. “I think Abby is being sick.”

Imogen stood up. “I’ll go. Thanks for telling us poppet.”

“Is something wrong?” Ava padded towards her Mama. “Abby’s sick and you look sad.”

“I’m just very tired little one.” Constance pulled Ava onto her lap. “You don’t have to worry. And Abby will be fine, she’s just got a bug.”

“Well while Mummy is minding Abby, I’ll mind you.” Ava reached under the pillow and pulled out the nightdress she knew was there. “Put this on and we’ll have a cuddle.”

“That would be very nice.” Constance managed a small smile as she followed instructions. 

“I love you lots Mama.”, Ava whispered once they were settled. 

“And I love you.”, Constance replied. “I love you all very much.” 

By the time Imogen returned, Ava had drifted into a light sleep while Constance was still wide awake. 

“She’s asleep. She got sick twice and was very teary but eventually, she wore herself out. She’ll have a bit of a headache tomorrow but apart from that she’ll be fine.” 

“There’s a potion in the cabinet.”, Constance went to get up but a gentle hand stopped her.

“Stay where you are. Honestly, I don’t want to see her suffer but she needs to learn from this. Maybe a headache and a dodgy tummy will help her not to be so silly in the future. And of course, the fact that she’s grounded for three weeks might help reinforce it even further.” 

“Three weeks?” Constance had been thinking one.

“Yes. One for what she did and the other two for how she spoke to you.” Imogen wasn’t going to budge on this one. Their eldest child had been allowed a lot of freedom over the years and all they asked for in return was honesty and respect. That night she had let them down on both counts and now she was going to suffer the consequences. 

Neither parent slept well that night with both getting up multiple times to check Abby was alright. 

“I love you more than you’ll ever know.”, Constance murmured as she stroked the sleeping teenager’s hair. “And even if it embarrasses you, I’ll do whatever I feel I have to to keep you safe.”

Meanwhile, Imogen was gently rubbing a half-asleep Ava’s back while whispering the reassurances she knew were needed. “Everything will be okay poppet, you let the sad feelings drift out of your head and I promise you, everything will be fine.” 

Apparently, they weren’t the only ones who didn’t sleep well. Lily rose early and found Constance and Imogen sat at the kitchen table, a large pot of coffee between them. 

“I phoned my Mum and explained what happened. She’s going to collect me and I’ll go home with her for today.”

“Will you come back later?” Even though she could technically stay by herself, Lily usually stayed all weekend while her mother was working and Imogen hated that she may feel she couldn’t that night. 

“It depends on Abby.”, Lily shrugged. “I’m going to go home, talk to Mum, get some more sleep and then if Abs wants me to come back I will.”

“We want you to come back.” Constance rose and embraced Lily. “And in case I didn’t say it last night, thank you for phoning us and for looking after Abby.”

“That’s okay.” Lily squeezed back before glancing at her phone. “Mum’s outside, see you later maybe.”

Constance and Imogen weren’t alone for long. As always Zara was an early riser and hungry for her breakfast. Fleur was next, carefully navigating the stairs with some help from her Mummy before settling herself next to her big sister at the table. Then finally came Ava but not her usually sleepy but happy self. This morning she was certainly sleepy but she was also on a mission to get answers. 

“Abby is still in bed and Lily is spending a couple of hours with her Mama.”, Imogen told her while passing out toast, cereal and fruit. 

Clearly, the answers were not to Ava’s satisfaction and she spent the remainder of breakfast time picking at her food with a strange look on her face. Even when Zara and Fleur ran off to the playroom, she refused to join them, preferring to stay at the kitchen table pulling apart her slice of toast instead. She was still there when her big sister made her way downstairs.

“Hey Noodle.”, a pale Abby whispered hoarsely. “Where is everyone?” 

In truth, she meant her mothers. She had already been awake for over an hour and in that time had replayed the horrible events of the night before several times. Each time asking herself what on earth had possessed her to accept Jordan’s offer to skip the cinema and go to the house party his cousin was throwing. 

She’d known it was wrong, had agreed with Lily that it was a stupid idea but still, she had said yes to the party, yes to the beer. And for what? So Jordan would think she was cool. Jordan, who has been on the receiving end of her Mama in full school principal/ super witch/ frantic parent mode, would probably never look at her again, something that no longer seemed like the big loss it had several hours before. She was so caught up in her thoughts that it took her a few moments to realise that Ava hadn’t responded. 

“Noodle?”

“You told Mama you hated her.”, Ava stated. “You made her sad.” She hadn’t told her mothers what she’d overheard them talking about the night before but had no problem in telling her sister what she knew. 

“I….”

“She was crying, Mummy was helping her feel better but then you got sick so I looked after her. Why do you hate Mama? She’s lovely and kind and she takes care of us because she loves us.”

“I don’t.”, Abby spluttered. 

“Then why did you say it?” 

“That’s a good question Poppet.”, Imogen spoke from the back doorway. “And Mama and I are going to talk to Abby about that. Tell you what, while we have a little chat will you go next door and make sure Zara and Fleur aren’t getting into too much trouble?” By the sounds coming from the playroom, the two youngest girls were full of energy. Imogen saw no reason to stop their noise, neither Zara nor Fleur had done anything wrong, but she also didn’t want Ava hearing anything that might upset her further. 

Ava was torn, especially as she saw her Mama come back into the kitchen. She wanted to know what had caused her sister to say that nasty thing. She also wanted to make sure her Mama knew that nobody else hated her, and if Abby really meant it she was the silliest person in the world. Luckily her Mummy was ready for that. 

“It would really help us.”

“Okay.” Ava got up from her seat and gave each of her mothers a kiss on her way to the playroom. 

“Noodle.”, Abby called softly.

“I’m not your friend right now.”, Ava whispered. “Not ’til you’re friends with Mama again.”

Both Constance and Imogen could see how shattered Abby was at her sister’s words, both correctly guessing that they were more powerful than any punishment either of them could give out. 

“I think we need to have a talk, don’t you?” Imogen indicated to the kitchen table. “Do you want something to eat?”

“No thank you.” The thought of food was making Abby feel queasy. “I’ll just have some water please.” 

Imogen provided the water, along with two headache pills while Constance sat at the table. 

“I’m sorry.”, Abby blurted out. “I’m so sorry.”

“For what?”, Imogen asked calmly. 

“For going to the party, for getting into a car with people I don’t know, for dragging Lily with me, for drinking, for trying to be something I’m not for a boy who I don’t even like that much. And I’m so sorry that I worried you both, I’ll never do it again. But mainly, I’m sorry that I said I hated you Mama, I didn’t know what I was saying.” 

“That’s what alcohol can do.” Imogen fixed their daughter with a steely glare. “Especially when you’re not used to it. You say things and do things that you would never have done sober. And people can take advantage of that lack of inhibition if you let them.”

“Nothing happened.”, Abby promised. “I didn't even kiss him.”

“We believe you.” Constance finally spoke. “However, I can tell you, things _were_ happening at that party.”

“I know.” , Abby whispered into her glass. “Thank you for coming and getting us out of there.”

“You should be thanking Lily.”, Constance told her. “Not questioning her friendship the way you did last night.”

“I will.” By now Abby was in tears. “I’ll phone her and tell her how sorry I am and that I’ll make it up to her. But Mama, I want to make it up to you as well, I don’t hate you, I could never, ever hate you.”

There was silence for a full minute before Constance responded. “Deep down, I know that. I know it was the alcohol talking, and I can even understand your embarrassment in a way. But I can tell you, those words hurt. I would say more than you can imagine but I think you got a taste of how it felt when Ava said she wasn’t your friend.” 

“I did.” As cliched as it was, Abby’s heart had broken a little at Ava’s words. “Please forgive me. Both of you. Please. I know I’ve lost your trust but let me make it up to you.”

“You haven’t lost our trust.”, Constance whispered before crouching next to her sobbing child’s chair and wrapping her arms around her. “You made mistakes, please just promise us you won’t do anything like this again.”

“I promise.”

“Again, we believe you.” Imogen joined the hug. “But let me just say this, I never, ever, want to hear of you saying you hate Mama ever again. And in the three weeks you’re grounded for, I want you to think long and hard about what’s happened and how to prevent it happening in the future. 

“I will.”

“And once you’ve had a shower there’s a cleanup job waiting for you in the driveway.”

“Okay.” Abby grimaced slightly but agreed it was only fair she cleaned up her own mess. Literally. However, before she could do anything else there were two other people she needed to speak to. 

“See you later. I’ll have the brownies ready. Love you Lils, thank you for being the best friend ever.” Abby hung up the phone with a sigh of relief that Lily had accepted her apology. Still, she had another one to go

“I’m sorry if I scared you when I was sick Noodle. And I’m very sorry that you heard about what I said to Mama, but most of all I’m sorry I said it.”

“Are you and Mama friends?”

“We are, I’m very lucky that Mama forgave me and I’m really hoping you can do the same.” 

Ava thought for a moment. “I don’t like when people fight or they’re sad. It makes me feel really bad, my tummy hurts and my head feels very tight, even when I'm asleep.”

Abby could only imagine how active her sister’s empathy had been the previous night. “I know and I’m so sorry, I never want to be the one to make you feel bad ever again. I always want to make you feel happy.” 

“You do, except last night.” Ava gave a little smile. “But I think we can be friends again if you and Mama are.” She held out her arms for the hug she knew was coming. “Just don’t upset her again. Or Mummy.”

“I won’t.”

“And Abby.”

“Yeah?”

“You’re a bit smelly, maybe you should have a shower?”

Several hours later, Abby had showered, cleaned up the driveway then settled down for a nap with Ava. Then, feeling much more rested, she made the promised brownies, plus the flapjacks requested by Ava, using the time they were cooking to do another very important task. 

“What’s this?”, Constance asked as she followed Ava into the kitchen. 

“Abby said this is for you.” Ava grinned at her. “You get the first brownie.”

As well as the best of the batch, Constance also got a cup of tea and a letter, one that she knew she would keep forever in her memory box. 

“Thank you.”, she whispered to a nervous looking Abby once she had finished her tea and cake and read the letter several times, absorbing every single word on the page. “And I know.”

“Promise?”

“I promise, I’ve always known and I always will.”

“Good, because it’s forever.” 

* * *

“Abby, are you alright? Do you have any questions? Anything you want to talk about?”

“I….I….” Abby was finding it difficult to put her feelings into words. “I hate you for not telling me.”

Imogen took a long breath and edged closer to her daughter. “We’re sorry, we just didn’t want to worry you for no reason. And everything is okay, it’s benign.”

“Do you promise?”

“We promise.”, Constance reassured her. “We’ve even got a second opinion to be sure. It’s not cancer, your Mum is absolutely fine.” 

In part, her words were also a reassurance to herself that her wife was alright, that the horrible thoughts that had been running through her mind since that night almost two weeks ago were not in fact reality. That those words, _‘I think I found a lump.’_ , whispered by Imogen as she emerged from the bathroom had not been the beginning of a horrible journey that either ever wanted to embark on. 

“You should have told me.” Abby sighed. “I could have helped.” 

“Honey.”, Imogen pulled her daughter close. “I know you would have been an amazing help, to both of us. But we wanted to protect you. You’ve had your exams and so many other things going on, you didn’t need this distraction as well.”

“But….”

“But nothing. Besides, I knew everything would be fine.” 

Imogen was lying of course. Her mind had immediately gone to the worst case scenario as her hand had brushed against the unusual mound in her breast. And for almost a fortnight it had not left that dark place. She had worried about herself, had been petrified of what may be lying ahead, but more so she had worried for her family, her wife, her daughters. Was Abby about to lose another parent to the same terrible disease? But she had put on a brave face, had kept her secret as best she could, only allowing herself to really open up to her wife in the privacy of their bedroom at night. And during the day, she told the only other person who might understand how she was feeling. 

“Granny knew too?” Abby could have understood her parents not telling her if nobody else knew, but the fact that her grandmother knew as well, it was pretty hurtful. 

“I told Granny because she went through something similar a few years ago before we knew her.”, Imogen explained. “She found a lump and went through all the same tests I did so she understood how I felt and could answer my questions. Honey, we’re telling you now because we felt you needed to know. I’m sorry if we upset you by not telling you before but honestly, given the choice I would do exactly the same thing again.”

Abby decided not to argue, there was only one thing that was really important. “As long as you’re okay.”

“I am. I am fit and healthy and once I’ve caught up on some lost sleep I will be even better.”

“I’m going to make sure you get loads of rest now. Consider me chief crazy carer when I’m not working.”

Just as she had since Abby was a little girl, Imogen smiled, then pressed a kiss against the messy curls. “Thank you honey, they’re so excited to spend some more time with you over the summer. And speaking of your sisters, I’d better go and collect them from Granny and Granddads. Oh by the way..”

“I won’t tell them.”, Abby swore. 

“Thank you, if it comes up we’ll tell them but for now, let’s move on.”

“Did Ava not pick up on anything?” The thought suddenly came to Abby. If her parents were as worried as she knew they had been, she was amazed Ava hadn’t noticed. 

“She did but I’m guessing she didn’t want to worry you.”, Imogen confessed. “She thought we were stressed about the exams, yours and the students here. Technically, it wasn’t a lie, we were thinking about those as well but we couldn’t let her think there was anything else.” 

Abby thought about it for a minute and decided that made a lot of sense. Exam fever had been rampant for everyone involved and she could see how any strange behaviour from her parents could have been explained away by concern for their students as well as their eldest daughter as she completed her final school exams. “If she asks I’ll make sure she knows things are fine.” 

“Thanks.” Imogen gave her two girls kisses before leaving their sitting room and making her way to the cottage on the castle ground.

“Mama, did you talk to Granny too?” Abby was beginning to realise there was nothing to be hurt over. Instead, she wanted to make sure her Mama had also been supported during what had to have been a horrendous time for her as well.

“I did. I….” To her own surprise, Constance dissolved into tears. “I had to talk to her about what I couldn’t tell your Mum.” 

“What was that?”

“How scared I was. How I couldn’t face the thought of her being sick, of being without her. I needed to be strong for her but I needed, I needed…..”

“You needed a mother.” 

“I did.” Constance shook her head. “Isn’t it silly? I’m over fifty years old, I have children of my own and I needed someone to hold me and promise me that we would get through anything that could possibly lie ahead.” 

“Oh Mama, that’s not silly at all.” This time it was Abby doing the holding. “It’s okay, she’s okay. And you know something? No matter how old I am, if I’m sad or worried about something, I’ll always want you or Mum to hold me and reassure me.

“And we’ll always want to do that.” Constance slowly gathered herself. “I’m sorry dear, I don’t know where that came from.” 

“Don’t be sorry.” Abby smiled. “You can always talk to me.”

“Shouldn’t that be my line?” Constance quipped as she dried her eyes. “I hope you don’t hate us too much for not telling you.”

Abby shook her head. “No, I think I understand why. Besides, you’re forgetting something I told you a couple of years ago.

“What’s that?” Constance fully remembered but wanted to hear the words. 

“I love you, both of you, far too much to ever hate you. And that’s forever.”


End file.
